Monday, 23 August 2010

Trying to be a man, but failing

So part of the whole growing up into a man is getting your life organised and sorted out, and it was a mission I was on. At the start of July, after Mobilise I began the search for a house. I met a girl at Mobilise and we agreed to house hunt together for a four bedroom, and we started searching and praying. I set myself the target of having it sorted before the start of August.

Now I've had one of the busiest months of my life. I've been home since wednesday, but before that was camping for two weeks, and now I'm off to Mexico this wednesday. I've basically had a week to myself, and fulwell knowing that decided not to leave house hunting to August knowing it would be a lot of pressure on myself.

So , when the house hunt started I was determined, and a few places popped up, it was going well, and then we found a four bedroom place. We agreed with the landlords to move in, and find two more housemates, and everything was set and ready before the end of August. I was chuffed, a nice place, in Roehampton estate, right in the heart of the community I was looking to serve and only a short distance from church. In addition rent was only £300 p/m, which is well within my housing benefit budget. Everything was ready and I began the packing for my busy August. Sadly that fell through.

It's tough because I was trying hard to finally be organised and plan in advance, and now I'm in a real tough situation. I genuinely hate this feeling, people will be thinking oh classic dave, leaving stuff to the last minute. I've had a few offers since, but as I'm on housing benefit next year, I couldn't afford either of them. I've been trawling through christian flatshare with no results. Now I'm left going away supposedly on holiday with the prospect of coming back to live at my mums, ages away from where I need to be for the volunteer year I'm starting in September.

I'm completely demoralised about this situation, and feel completely drained, and have been praying loads, but just nothing. It's hard even starting to think about FP year when I haven't a clue where I'll be living.

Ha, rewriting this as I go, I guess the challenge is how do you deal with stuff like this, and who am I really looking for approval from. I actually want people to think I'm a man, but what does God think. God knows I've tried my heart out for this, and I pray about this all the time, so I'll know He'll get me a place. Part of being a man of God is patience I guess. The classic man these days does what he wants when he wants, but the classic man of God does what God wants when God wants, So i guess I'll be playing the waiting on God game.

Oh, thank you very much Debbie Tooth for your input :) I wrote this blog, and now just rewrote it! I would really appreciate peoples help, prayer and support, because I'm at a big loss.

Thank you for reading,


1 comment:

  1. Dave, I was thinking about posting my thoughts for quite a while because it might sound like an empty phrase but I have made this experience so often lately that I want to share it with you: A lot of things happen for a reason. They might not be particularly obvious in the first place but after a while it appears to be a benefit... Just hang in there, you will find your place! And if it doesnt happen in an instant, it will make you stronger and even more target-oriented! I will cross my fingers for you (now that is really a empty phrase) or let me put it that way: I will send you a gazillion positive thoughts. Barbara B., Germany