Celebrating Lifes Little Victories

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a big ideas person, I think a lot about mainly the church and the way it is expressed in the world. Now, when you are a big ideas person, it can become infuriating that these things aren't happening. You become obsessed with the 'bigger picture' and lose sight of what is happening around you.

Now here's a phrase I heard a while back that changed the way I do things completely:

"Jesus didn't start his ministry (work) till he was 30"

So, the guy who I try to model my life on, Jesus, didn't start his serious ministry till he was 30, a whole 9 years older than me! It relaxed me and freed me a lot.

Really we are in a society where there is a lot of pressure to do a lot of things younger and younger. Sebastian Vettel has just become the youngest F1 champion ever at 23, Justin Bieber's a multi millionaire in his teens, my sister is a mum at 20. Now by no means are these bad things, their achievements are great, but it puts pressure on those in church ministry to do the same. I want to be doing some insane revolutionary ministry at age 21!

Recently though I have come to a point where I realise that this isn't the biblical way. This isn't a revolutionary way of life. I live an ordinary life of twenties frustration. But then the shift of thinking came about. Rather than always focusing on what wasn't happening, what plans I wanted to happen in the future, I started celebrating the small victories, and each small victory lead to a bigger victory which in turn I celebrated. This came in ideas. I manged to get a leadership position in youth, which lead to a little celebration. Then my first youth social had 12 youth, which lead to a bigger celebration, all the time thanking my maker and Father.

I realised though, this attitude didn't just have to apply to my ministry, to my ideas, this attitude spilled over into my problems, my sin. The natural tendency with my sin was to look at the problem and think it was too big to heal, too big to overcome. The most prominent one for me is pornography. It's a BIG problem, and sometimes I just felt overwhelmed with guilt, and helpless for it to be overcome. Now my attitude is shifting, instead I celebrate the small victories. Recently I went 12 days without pornography in my life, then I went back to it for an evening. I repented, and then after rather than dwell on the sin, I choose to celebrate the 12 days without it, and it feels liberating.

This is the biblical way, the story of the prodigal son. God rejoices over that one victory, having a huge epic party. This lifestyle is grace-filled, uncondemning, and completely counter cultural. The thing is when we thank God and celebrate what we do have, the little victories we have had, God will then give us more. We need not pressure ourselves to work harder to get a better job in ministry, more people at church, less sin in our lives, what we need to do is celebrate the victories we do have with God, and more victories will come out of that. In a city where young people look to overpressured business people like The Aprentice employees as role models, we can offer this message of freedon and release.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

Fear of Gifts

What a week, sometimes being a Christian is just that, being a Christian, a person with faith. But then there are times that remind you that there's so much more to it than that. So much more available to us than just reading a book (okay, not just any old book, but you get the point), going to church and trying to live 'a good life'. We forget that the sheer ability to live 'a good life' is through a little old thing called the Holy Spirit that genuinely does live in us. Honestly I look at myself from two years ago, and know that in no way was that person heading towards where I am now, that person was heading to serial dating, lots of sex and loads more booze. Now I look at who I am and even having the audactity to try and attribute these changes to myself is ridiculous, the person I am now could only be created through intervention and looking after, exactly what the Spirit has done.

Now this is where it comes to the interesting part. This week has been mad and the Spirit has moved powerfully in me, and I got prophesied over, which is a very mad thing to have happen, especially when it's far too accurate for comfort! I've come to realise that the Spirit really lives i me and does how He pleases. He will decide my gifts and I have no say in that, but this week has scared me. My fellow FP guys have really encouraged me, and though I have not always taken the compliments well, I really appreciate it. I'd like to especially thank Amanda, Neal, Fi, Mark, Andy, Louisa and Pete. Your comments have really stuck with me.

What I've come to realise though is that the Spirit might want to use me, in areas that require responsability, and this has inadvertently brought up a fear in me. I didn't realise, but I'm scared of responsability, because I haven't had people have faith in me before, I've often been told I'm not good enough. From the moment my school teacher Mrs. Coulthard said "I wouldn't trust you as far as I can throw you," to not hearing affirmation from my father that he believed in me often enough. If your reading this dad, I love you loads anyway and don't hold this against you. What this has done though has left me unable to know how to accept responsibility. When I've been given it I've crumbled. As a fundraiser I was told I'd be made team leader in two weeks if I kept doing what I was doing, as soon as I heard that my numbers plummeted and I never became a team leader. At sixth form my psychology teacher said I was his best student and was sure I'd get an A. I bummed out at C. At university I was easily on course for a 1st in second year, but again ended up with a 3rd.

Now the dilemma I face is I can feel the Spirit starting to use me, and I hear people saying to me I am gifted, and it triggers in me a negative reaction, which isn't what I want, but what I feel. I feel like a confident guy, but then being an important guy is a whole different ball game. I guess it really scares me that God has faith in me.

I will allow the Spirit to work in me, and I will not allow the devil to use the negativity of my past to stop the Spirit working in me, and I thank God for helping me notice something in myself I'd never realised was a problem, but I ask you guys, especially FP guys to get alongside me and encourage me like you faithfully have, as I will need it. If I look uncomfortable with a compliment force me to enjoy and accept it.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

Ups and Downs

So another day as passed and I'm still technically homeless! Well, I'm staying at my mum's at the moment, which isn't bad, but not really near my church and a mission to get to late at night.

So an air of optimism entered my world yesterday, as a house viewing came up. It was in Roehampton (the rough part near Putney, perfect for me as I love the rough parts), affordable rent, no deposit with Christian housemates. I went round the house, nervous, like that feeling you get when you fancy someone and go on a first date, very odd to have that feeling about a house. I met the housemates, we got on very well and I told them how I needed a place, they seemed positive about me moving in and said they'd get back to me soon.

Well, this morning the dreaded text came through with 'No.' Now this is the fourth house I've seriously looked at, after starting my search way back at the start of July with no success. Two houses pulled out, the other two too expensive. This is in addition to trawling through many other houses. I get asked that question sometimes, has anything stolen your joy recently. This definitely has, it has got me so down, I could barely function this afternoon. It really is a weight on my shoulders I really want to get rid of, and one of those times I start to question God's plan.

After many people providing me supportive texts and Facebook stuff, often bible verses, I've come to realise a lot of us are going through rough patches quite often. It sucks, big time, but this is my life as God has planned it. It's for my good, and the more I question God the more I confuse myself. You get advice in these times like 'it could be worse.' While that is true, I could be genuinely homeless or much worse, it doesn't much help me feel better about it. What is a problem to you now is a problem, and if it is stealing your joy it's stealing your joy, whether there could be worse scenarios isn't the issue.

Then you come to realise though that this is the time when I am strengthened in God. I'm down, I'm weak, I'm weary and just a little bit pissed off. Put this together and I'm not gonna be at my best when house hunting, or the most appealing of housemates. Put this is my hands, I'm lose. Put this in the hands of God, and I'll get the best place for me no matter what. It will be the best place for me, because it's the only place and God has planned it that way. Put it in God's hands and I can relax, take a breath and wait for that place to come (obviously while still house hunting, not just sitting on my behind)! Having God really does make things so much easier. This afternoon I was pissed off and sad for around 2-3 hours, and last night for about an hour, in addition to maybe 12 hours before. That's sixteen hours for two months of houselessness, not too bad in my books. Without God, this would be THE big issue on my mind, nagging and getting into everything I did, and taking over even the fun things I try to do. I'd resent people around me for not helping and probably get in a bad state of affairs. With God I can relax a lot, and I love the people around me because they are all praying for me and into this situation, and then through that God has prompted many of them to practically help, with meals, a place to chill for a few hours, a bed overnight, in fact I'm heading off to someones house for dinner right now (thanks Ben and Debs).

Bottom line is "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold" Job 23 v 10 (Cheers Bex)!

Thanks for reading,

Davey

Testimony

Testimony is something God's taught me alot about in my Christian life. I've seen loads of people give theirs, but there is always one that stuck in my mind and changed my life forever.

Last November in a pub in a Putney, a friend of mine named Becky Smith went to the front and shared something that can't have been easy to share. You could see it in her face that it wasn't easy, but she said she felt God telling her to say it, so in turn did. I went in that room that day expecting a bit of worship, but of prayer, and to be honest felt confident in my faith. Felt like I 'was in a good place' (have since learnt to never have that feeling as God will chuck a massive issue in my face soon after!). Her testimony changed me, it made me begin balling, I felt weak. I'd been a porn addict since I was like 13 and her testimony was attacking right at the heart of that issue. Anyways, I fell on my knees, trying to resist God, trying not to have to sort this out, I was ashamed and didn't want to look weak. In the end though I forced myself forwards for prayer. Now while this didn't solve the issue, something like this doesn't always go away in a day, I'm happy to say I've been clean of porn for over 40 days now, thank you God.

Anyways, what Becky taught me is God gave us testimonies for a reason, and it's the difficult issues that are indeed the hardest to tell. But these issues are the ones that unlock people. Becky's testimony unlocked me and countless other people in that room. What she did is the heart of servant hood. She sacrificed her own pride, her own standing with the people in that room in the hope her words might touch and change just a few hearts in that room. In my experience, God really rewards bravery like that. Ever since that day, when presented the opportunity to tell my own testimony I try not to shy away from the big details, and try to help my friends do the same. I've seen one of my best friends, who would admit himself is not a confident public speaker, go up in front of our church and share some extremely personal stuff, I was so proud and God rewarded him big time.

Now this week came a new chapter in the life of Davey, my volunteer year for church (FP Impact) started. Day two of training came about and I was presented the opportunity to share my testimony. Now in no way can I tell my whole testimony in 5 minutes, so I picked a tough area which God has really changed in my life. That area was male relationships. The men in my life as I have grown up have never been too loving, I've never been given hugs or given words of affirmation. This lead to me finding it difficult to make deep male friendships, and having real ease making deep female friendships. I never used to share my life with male friends, though was happy to do it with girls/girlfriends. I prayed on this and God had since healed the issue. I have a few good male friends now, in particular Rob and Tom, who I've connected with more than any other guys in my life. Now, this stuff isn't easy for me to share, but I hoped it would unlock the room a bit, and after I felt that people were able to be a bit more honest, and the worship time after was quality. Now just a few days later, imagine the scenario. Your asked by a guy you just met to share your testimony with 20 African boys, tired after a game of football really wanting to go home. Not the easiest atmosphere, but God's taught me that testimony unlocks people. So I loaded my testimony shotgun up and gave it to them. They were a slightly more rowdy and responsive audience, but they listened still, and one boy seemed to be intently listening.

Anyways, testimony is a journey for me. I would love at some point in my future to be involved in a Christian testimony school, helping train people on how to have shotgun testimonies rather than water pistols. Every single time I have seen people bravely step out with their testimony, making themselves uncomfortable and nervous just for the chance to change one persons life, God has rewarded it big time, so it is something I will continue to push into and learn more about.

If you want to talk to me about any of this, want help with your testimony or just want to hear mine, please get in touch :)

Thanks for reading,

Davey

Trying to be a man, but failing

So part of the whole growing up into a man is getting your life organised and sorted out, and it was a mission I was on. At the start of July, after Mobilise I began the search for a house. I met a girl at Mobilise and we agreed to house hunt together for a four bedroom, and we started searching and praying. I set myself the target of having it sorted before the start of August.

Now I've had one of the busiest months of my life. I've been home since wednesday, but before that was camping for two weeks, and now I'm off to Mexico this wednesday. I've basically had a week to myself, and fulwell knowing that decided not to leave house hunting to August knowing it would be a lot of pressure on myself.

So , when the house hunt started I was determined, and a few places popped up, it was going well, and then we found a four bedroom place. We agreed with the landlords to move in, and find two more housemates, and everything was set and ready before the end of August. I was chuffed, a nice place, in Roehampton estate, right in the heart of the community I was looking to serve and only a short distance from church. In addition rent was only £300 p/m, which is well within my housing benefit budget. Everything was ready and I began the packing for my busy August. Sadly that fell through.

It's tough because I was trying hard to finally be organised and plan in advance, and now I'm in a real tough situation. I genuinely hate this feeling, people will be thinking oh classic dave, leaving stuff to the last minute. I've had a few offers since, but as I'm on housing benefit next year, I couldn't afford either of them. I've been trawling through christian flatshare with no results. Now I'm left going away supposedly on holiday with the prospect of coming back to live at my mums, ages away from where I need to be for the volunteer year I'm starting in September.

I'm completely demoralised about this situation, and feel completely drained, and have been praying loads, but just nothing. It's hard even starting to think about FP year when I haven't a clue where I'll be living.

Ha, rewriting this as I go, I guess the challenge is how do you deal with stuff like this, and who am I really looking for approval from. I actually want people to think I'm a man, but what does God think. God knows I've tried my heart out for this, and I pray about this all the time, so I'll know He'll get me a place. Part of being a man of God is patience I guess. The classic man these days does what he wants when he wants, but the classic man of God does what God wants when God wants, So i guess I'll be playing the waiting on God game.

Oh, thank you very much Debbie Tooth for your input :) I wrote this blog, and now just rewrote it! I would really appreciate peoples help, prayer and support, because I'm at a big loss.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

Superheroes

I recently watched Kick Ass, it really made me think a lot. That question asked:

"Why does everyone want to be Paris Hilton but nobody wants to be Spider-Man?"

It's an interesting idea, and thinking about it today, everyone likes the idea of superheroes, but in actuality it doesn't happen. Everyone with special physical activities gets pushed into sports, and those with special mental abilities into high paid positions. But again, these are special gifts, but aren't super. These are feasible, the human body pushed to its limits and at its best. The thing super heroes need are super powers, supernatural powers, unexplainable abilities.

Now, this is when it really does become interesting, because superheroes have therefore existed. Jesus was a superhero, as were his disciples. They regularly conducted acts that go beyond our own bodies abilities, and these acts got them a lot of attention, they were the superheroes of their time. They healed people without surgery, cured mental illness without counselling or drugs, walked on water, rose from the dead. These are all powers that have been copied by comic book heroes. But what for now, where are the superheroes now. I've realised we as Christians have the power to be superheroes. We can call on the powers of God when we like, and sometimes these powers won't work, but we can call on them, and in turn conduct acts that are unexplainable.

But there is another stumbling block, and that is evident in Kick Ass, fear. Fear stops superheroes, it makes them weaker, nervous and then they usually lose. The best superheroes didn't fear. Superman didn't fear because he couldn't die, Batman because his enemies feared him more. We fall in both categories, but we need not fear. Sure we can die, but why would we fear that, heaven's much better, so when we die that's Gods' time for us, which is good stuff. It took the main character in Kick Ass to overcome fear to fight criminals, and he nearly died in the process, but he did it anyways, without the assurances we have. We could easily be the people that implement social justice, fight crime when we see it, because at the worst, we go to heaven. A lot of us end up feeling like Batman, not invincible, but that's because our faith has failed us. People listened to Jesus and Paul, they had to take notice, these guys were superheroes, their opponents were on the back foot, because they witnessed what Jesus and Paul did. Nowadays we are on the back foot, because people aren't witnessing our superpowers, often just listening to our empty promises.

These superpowers, the things that can make all Christians superheroes are all thanks to the Holy Spirit. Like Peter Parker being bit by a spider, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, then we have powers. The Christian superhero can heal hearts, bodies and minds, the Christian superhero has no fear and the Christian superhero is listened to.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

Honesty

This past few weeks, from the Mobilise conference to this past weekend have been a mad few weeks for learning and changing. Let me start by saying God loves to surprise me, I applied to Big Brother this year, praying into it and felt that was what God had planned for me. Shared this with my church elder, and felt God was gonna take me on that show and hopefully break down some of the negative stereotypes Christians have! I got down to the final 200, and very nearly got on the show, but didn't, and that left me thinking, what God could you possibly have planned for me this summer that is gonna have a bigger impact than that???

Well, God loves a good surprise and that's exactly what's happened. Considering I wasn't even sure I was gonna go to Mobilise, God's done well! Now I have one of the most messed up childhood's of anyone I know, and a lot of issues born out of that, issues I have held with me for years thinking that they didn't really affect me, and they may not have affected my behaviour a lot, but it's a huge burden. Now people say to bring these things before God and you'll get freedom, but I have difficulty understanding that phrase, until recently. My issues were brought before God by prayer of another. At Mobilise after three days of wrestling with issues I was going through and getting prayer for them, and that included fatherlessness, laziness and porn, eventually I built up enough courage to tell someone and get prayer for the big issue of mine, which I won't mention, but safe to say I've lived with the shame of it for the last 10 years, constantly worrying someone would find out, and which was the root of most of my other problems, and got freedom and healing of that. Have I mentioned God is awesome, because he really really is!!

In addition just this weekend God taught me more. Due to my difficulties with my dad, I haven't been the greatest at having real male friends over the years, no problem with females friends though. God's blessed me with two friends though, Tom and Rob, love you guys, and they have been such close friends to me, like brothers. This weekend while at Tom's in Bristol God put it on my heart after we prayed about a load of stuff for each other together to finally share what growing up being me was like, something very few people know about apart from my family. This was compounded by the fact that as Rob lay hands on me to pray for me, he felt like he wanted to cry. The boys listened and it was such a relief, a freeing, and I felt so happy after. They were shocked by what I told them, but they didn't mind and loved me all the same.

This few weeks have taught me what faith is, why we want so badly a relationship with God. It heals us of unimaginable acts we would never even talk about, it gives us certainty for life after the grave (thank you Angharad) and provides us the kind of friendships that transcend social taboos, creating the deepest of bonds. I've also learnt that it is so incredibly important to be honest about who you are and what your life has been, honesty unlocks people, and really is a cornerstone of our faith, Jesus never covered things up or lied! I feel now that my childhood can be used to build up others and not burden me, and your welcome to ask me about it if you'd like, or if you've had a difficult childhood and never shared, please talk to me.

I thank God for being in my life, my Lord, my dad and my best friend, and I thank him so much that he embodies these principles through people to allow me to understand better his love, cheers God.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

An odd few days

Sitting in my room drinking beer at 1 o'clock in the morning, still really contemplated the events of the last few days. I nearly lost a very dear friend in a car accident, and could have lost another friend.

Sadly though despite my friends surviving this ordeal, one girl in the car sadly passed away yesterday. I have something odd to say though, and I'm not sure if blogs can be read in heaven, but thank you Angharad Clague. You have taught me so much in your death about heaven, more than I could have imagined considering I barely knew you. I've been a christian 2 years, and never has heaven been conveyed to me in a way I could understand, but your death has taught me so much. God spoke to me on the night about the joy you were feeling upon meeting him, and has spoken to me through prayer and song lyrics, ways I have just not expected.

I have had the songs 'blessed be your name', and 'better is one day in your courts'. 'Blessed be your name' really resonated and taught me that we must praise god no matter the circumstances, and really learn to accept that although we may not always understand his ways, they always work out for the best, it's just really hard to see at the time (thank you to Becky Smith for a good chat about this).

We had a prayer meeting this evening for the guys in the accident yesterday evening, and it was a really powerful time. Some guys in that room were best friends with Angharad, some were close with the other people in the car, some had no real relation to anyone in that car, but still we all were used by God to pray. I felt honoured that God decided to use me to impart some words of wisdom and keep a cool head, and encourage the guys who were distraught about the joy Angharad is going through. The song 'better is one day in your courts' came into my head. I thank god for giving me the courage to sing out, something I've not done before. Those lyrics are insane when you really look at them, "better is ONE day in the courts of god than THOUSANDS elsewhere!!" So now Angharad has officially spent one day in the courts of god, and that day has been better than all the days she had on earth combined, honestly mindblowing. Also the lyrics "one thing I ask, and I should seek, to see your beauty, to find you in the place your glory dwells," really bring home that we should be seeking heaven constantly, and just be happy to get any days on earth, each day really is a blessing, and I can't wait to feel the joy Angharad is feeling now.

This is my first ever blog, but I hope to do more. I am continuing to pray a lot for Rory, Sol and Angharad's family.

Cheers for reading,

Davey