Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Ups and Downs

So another day as passed and I'm still technically homeless! Well, I'm staying at my mum's at the moment, which isn't bad, but not really near my church and a mission to get to late at night.

So an air of optimism entered my world yesterday, as a house viewing came up. It was in Roehampton (the rough part near Putney, perfect for me as I love the rough parts), affordable rent, no deposit with Christian housemates. I went round the house, nervous, like that feeling you get when you fancy someone and go on a first date, very odd to have that feeling about a house. I met the housemates, we got on very well and I told them how I needed a place, they seemed positive about me moving in and said they'd get back to me soon.

Well, this morning the dreaded text came through with 'No.' Now this is the fourth house I've seriously looked at, after starting my search way back at the start of July with no success. Two houses pulled out, the other two too expensive. This is in addition to trawling through many other houses. I get asked that question sometimes, has anything stolen your joy recently. This definitely has, it has got me so down, I could barely function this afternoon. It really is a weight on my shoulders I really want to get rid of, and one of those times I start to question God's plan.

After many people providing me supportive texts and Facebook stuff, often bible verses, I've come to realise a lot of us are going through rough patches quite often. It sucks, big time, but this is my life as God has planned it. It's for my good, and the more I question God the more I confuse myself. You get advice in these times like 'it could be worse.' While that is true, I could be genuinely homeless or much worse, it doesn't much help me feel better about it. What is a problem to you now is a problem, and if it is stealing your joy it's stealing your joy, whether there could be worse scenarios isn't the issue.

Then you come to realise though that this is the time when I am strengthened in God. I'm down, I'm weak, I'm weary and just a little bit pissed off. Put this together and I'm not gonna be at my best when house hunting, or the most appealing of housemates. Put this is my hands, I'm lose. Put this in the hands of God, and I'll get the best place for me no matter what. It will be the best place for me, because it's the only place and God has planned it that way. Put it in God's hands and I can relax, take a breath and wait for that place to come (obviously while still house hunting, not just sitting on my behind)! Having God really does make things so much easier. This afternoon I was pissed off and sad for around 2-3 hours, and last night for about an hour, in addition to maybe 12 hours before. That's sixteen hours for two months of houselessness, not too bad in my books. Without God, this would be THE big issue on my mind, nagging and getting into everything I did, and taking over even the fun things I try to do. I'd resent people around me for not helping and probably get in a bad state of affairs. With God I can relax a lot, and I love the people around me because they are all praying for me and into this situation, and then through that God has prompted many of them to practically help, with meals, a place to chill for a few hours, a bed overnight, in fact I'm heading off to someones house for dinner right now (thanks Ben and Debs).

Bottom line is "But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold" Job 23 v 10 (Cheers Bex)!

Thanks for reading,


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