This past few weeks, from the Mobilise conference to this past weekend have been a mad few weeks for learning and changing. Let me start by saying God loves to surprise me, I applied to Big Brother this year, praying into it and felt that was what God had planned for me. Shared this with my church elder, and felt God was gonna take me on that show and hopefully break down some of the negative stereotypes Christians have! I got down to the final 200, and very nearly got on the show, but didn't, and that left me thinking, what God could you possibly have planned for me this summer that is gonna have a bigger impact than that???
Well, God loves a good surprise and that's exactly what's happened. Considering I wasn't even sure I was gonna go to Mobilise, God's done well! Now I have one of the most messed up childhood's of anyone I know, and a lot of issues born out of that, issues I have held with me for years thinking that they didn't really affect me, and they may not have affected my behaviour a lot, but it's a huge burden. Now people say to bring these things before God and you'll get freedom, but I have difficulty understanding that phrase, until recently. My issues were brought before God by prayer of another. At Mobilise after three days of wrestling with issues I was going through and getting prayer for them, and that included fatherlessness, laziness and porn, eventually I built up enough courage to tell someone and get prayer for the big issue of mine, which I won't mention, but safe to say I've lived with the shame of it for the last 10 years, constantly worrying someone would find out, and which was the root of most of my other problems, and got freedom and healing of that. Have I mentioned God is awesome, because he really really is!!
In addition just this weekend God taught me more. Due to my difficulties with my dad, I haven't been the greatest at having real male friends over the years, no problem with females friends though. God's blessed me with two friends though, Tom and Rob, love you guys, and they have been such close friends to me, like brothers. This weekend while at Tom's in Bristol God put it on my heart after we prayed about a load of stuff for each other together to finally share what growing up being me was like, something very few people know about apart from my family. This was compounded by the fact that as Rob lay hands on me to pray for me, he felt like he wanted to cry. The boys listened and it was such a relief, a freeing, and I felt so happy after. They were shocked by what I told them, but they didn't mind and loved me all the same.
This few weeks have taught me what faith is, why we want so badly a relationship with God. It heals us of unimaginable acts we would never even talk about, it gives us certainty for life after the grave (thank you Angharad) and provides us the kind of friendships that transcend social taboos, creating the deepest of bonds. I've also learnt that it is so incredibly important to be honest about who you are and what your life has been, honesty unlocks people, and really is a cornerstone of our faith, Jesus never covered things up or lied! I feel now that my childhood can be used to build up others and not burden me, and your welcome to ask me about it if you'd like, or if you've had a difficult childhood and never shared, please talk to me.
I thank God for being in my life, my Lord, my dad and my best friend, and I thank him so much that he embodies these principles through people to allow me to understand better his love, cheers God.
Thank you for reading,