Fear of Gifts

What a week, sometimes being a Christian is just that, being a Christian, a person with faith. But then there are times that remind you that there's so much more to it than that. So much more available to us than just reading a book (okay, not just any old book, but you get the point), going to church and trying to live 'a good life'. We forget that the sheer ability to live 'a good life' is through a little old thing called the Holy Spirit that genuinely does live in us. Honestly I look at myself from two years ago, and know that in no way was that person heading towards where I am now, that person was heading to serial dating, lots of sex and loads more booze. Now I look at who I am and even having the audactity to try and attribute these changes to myself is ridiculous, the person I am now could only be created through intervention and looking after, exactly what the Spirit has done.

Now this is where it comes to the interesting part. This week has been mad and the Spirit has moved powerfully in me, and I got prophesied over, which is a very mad thing to have happen, especially when it's far too accurate for comfort! I've come to realise that the Spirit really lives i me and does how He pleases. He will decide my gifts and I have no say in that, but this week has scared me. My fellow FP guys have really encouraged me, and though I have not always taken the compliments well, I really appreciate it. I'd like to especially thank Amanda, Neal, Fi, Mark, Andy, Louisa and Pete. Your comments have really stuck with me.

What I've come to realise though is that the Spirit might want to use me, in areas that require responsability, and this has inadvertently brought up a fear in me. I didn't realise, but I'm scared of responsability, because I haven't had people have faith in me before, I've often been told I'm not good enough. From the moment my school teacher Mrs. Coulthard said "I wouldn't trust you as far as I can throw you," to not hearing affirmation from my father that he believed in me often enough. If your reading this dad, I love you loads anyway and don't hold this against you. What this has done though has left me unable to know how to accept responsibility. When I've been given it I've crumbled. As a fundraiser I was told I'd be made team leader in two weeks if I kept doing what I was doing, as soon as I heard that my numbers plummeted and I never became a team leader. At sixth form my psychology teacher said I was his best student and was sure I'd get an A. I bummed out at C. At university I was easily on course for a 1st in second year, but again ended up with a 3rd.

Now the dilemma I face is I can feel the Spirit starting to use me, and I hear people saying to me I am gifted, and it triggers in me a negative reaction, which isn't what I want, but what I feel. I feel like a confident guy, but then being an important guy is a whole different ball game. I guess it really scares me that God has faith in me.

I will allow the Spirit to work in me, and I will not allow the devil to use the negativity of my past to stop the Spirit working in me, and I thank God for helping me notice something in myself I'd never realised was a problem, but I ask you guys, especially FP guys to get alongside me and encourage me like you faithfully have, as I will need it. If I look uncomfortable with a compliment force me to enjoy and accept it.

Thank you for reading,

Davey

Superheroes

I recently watched Kick Ass, it really made me think a lot. That question asked:

"Why does everyone want to be Paris Hilton but nobody wants to be Spider-Man?"

It's an interesting idea, and thinking about it today, everyone likes the idea of superheroes, but in actuality it doesn't happen. Everyone with special physical activities gets pushed into sports, and those with special mental abilities into high paid positions. But again, these are special gifts, but aren't super. These are feasible, the human body pushed to its limits and at its best. The thing super heroes need are super powers, supernatural powers, unexplainable abilities.

Now, this is when it really does become interesting, because superheroes have therefore existed. Jesus was a superhero, as were his disciples. They regularly conducted acts that go beyond our own bodies abilities, and these acts got them a lot of attention, they were the superheroes of their time. They healed people without surgery, cured mental illness without counselling or drugs, walked on water, rose from the dead. These are all powers that have been copied by comic book heroes. But what for now, where are the superheroes now. I've realised we as Christians have the power to be superheroes. We can call on the powers of God when we like, and sometimes these powers won't work, but we can call on them, and in turn conduct acts that are unexplainable.

But there is another stumbling block, and that is evident in Kick Ass, fear. Fear stops superheroes, it makes them weaker, nervous and then they usually lose. The best superheroes didn't fear. Superman didn't fear because he couldn't die, Batman because his enemies feared him more. We fall in both categories, but we need not fear. Sure we can die, but why would we fear that, heaven's much better, so when we die that's Gods' time for us, which is good stuff. It took the main character in Kick Ass to overcome fear to fight criminals, and he nearly died in the process, but he did it anyways, without the assurances we have. We could easily be the people that implement social justice, fight crime when we see it, because at the worst, we go to heaven. A lot of us end up feeling like Batman, not invincible, but that's because our faith has failed us. People listened to Jesus and Paul, they had to take notice, these guys were superheroes, their opponents were on the back foot, because they witnessed what Jesus and Paul did. Nowadays we are on the back foot, because people aren't witnessing our superpowers, often just listening to our empty promises.

These superpowers, the things that can make all Christians superheroes are all thanks to the Holy Spirit. Like Peter Parker being bit by a spider, we are filled with the Holy Spirit, then we have powers. The Christian superhero can heal hearts, bodies and minds, the Christian superhero has no fear and the Christian superhero is listened to.

Thank you for reading,

Davey